i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
