She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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