Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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