can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
