Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
