apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
