I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
