You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
