i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
soo... how was my night?
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