i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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