We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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