the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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