I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
