You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
