i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
