wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
