im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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