I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
