She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
