The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's rum buckets o'clock
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
