Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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