My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
