Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
