White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
