we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
