You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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