My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
