Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
