So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
