ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
