I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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