I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
