Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
