Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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