my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
