How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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