Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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