you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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