Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
