the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
