Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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