i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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