Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
