oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
