someone threw a dead crab at me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
