you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
