Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
