I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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