Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
