His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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