dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
