Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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